Basingstoke Online Forum

1/

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The
very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said "How should
I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife answered, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know If the coast is
clear."


2/

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and
says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."

The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"

So, the first blonde hands her the compact.

The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

3/

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her so she goes out and buys
a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door
she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is
overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"

The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

4/

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly
says, "Go ahead, ask me. I know 'em all."

A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?"

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy ... it's W."

5/

Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

A: "Is it mine?"



6/

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked
and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio and a K-9 unit,
patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde
ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog then sat
down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home
to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do
they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"

OK. Now, forward this to someone else who needs a laugh today!

7/

What do you call 15 blondes standing ear to ear?

A wind tunnel!!

(I know it's more of a joke - joke than a joke, joke. But still...

A blonde asks the Chemist "Can I have some Rectum Deodorant please?"

"No such thing" replies the chemist

"Yes there is she says. I have one in my bag, but it's empty". She digs it out and hands it to him.

"Look love" he says, "this is an ordinary stick deodorant!"

To which the blonde says......

"HELLO".... ?!?!

"BIG LETTERS...... ?!?!"

"TO APPLY PUSH UP BOTTOM"

A blonde was on vacation and driving through Darwin . She
desperately wanted to take home a pair of genuine crocodile shoes but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle on prices' attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own crocodile, so I can get a pair of shoes for free'

The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, 'Little lady,
just go and give it a try'!

The blonde headed out toward the river, determined to catch a crocodile!

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the bank where he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he spots a huge 3 metre croc swimming rapidly toward her.

With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and
hauls it onto the slimy banks of the river. Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all lying on their backs. The
shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggled and flipped the Croc onto its back.

Rolling her eyes heavenward and screaming in great frustration, she shouts out.......



'CRAP, CRAP, CRAP, THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO'!

As a lorry driver in Essex stops for a red light, a blonde in her car pulls up alongside. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his lorry, and knocks on the door. The driver lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Sharon and you are losing some of your load." The lorry driver ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl again catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the lorry driver lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Sharon, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the lorry driver ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the cab door. The lorry driver lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Sharon and you are losing some of your load". When the light turns green, the lorry revs up and races to the next light.

When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the lorry, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says "Hi, my name is Kevin and I'm driving a f*****g gritter!"

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind that you should know five things: The bartender is a blonde girl; the bouncer is a blonde girl; I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate; the woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter and the lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler. Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah. Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."